


Impressions

by Amethystina



Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Cougar swoons a bit, Jensen being badass, M/M, When he gets over his initial dislike
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 21:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethystina/pseuds/Amethystina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cougar isn't the least bit impressed by their temporary tech guy. Jensen is irresponsible, loud, and downright obnoxious, and Cougar dislikes him from the start. He knows it's harsh, but the military isn't a playground — and Jacob Jensen clearly doesn't belong.</p><p>But even before their mission is over Cougar realizes that first impressions are not to be trusted. And there is a lot more to Jensen than meets the eye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> This here is one of my _absolute_ favourites. It flowed so effortlessly that I wrote it in a matter of hours and barely had to edit it once I was done. I have never experienced anything like it. 
> 
> This fic came to be because I love the idea that Cougar and Jensen have an instant connection, but I think that Cougar might not always appreciate it, what with Jensen's general demeanor. He doesn't _seem_ very dependable or trustworthy at first glance, does he? But he totally is — not to mention absolutely badass — so this is me exploring that concept. I had loads of fun with this one.

 

Cougar's first impression of one Jacob Jensen was decidedly unflattering. Maybe it was because their last three tech guys had all been inexperienced, skittish disasters in the field, or maybe it was the bright smile and incessant talking. Either way, Jacob Jensen made Cougar want to cringe in distaste. The techie's cheerfulness had to be a pathetic front to cover up whatever insecurities he was hiding — poorly executed at that — because no one could possibly be _that_ cheerful without pulling something.

Clay endured it, if only because he was the one who had filed a request for a new communications expert, and couldn't very well send Sergeant Jensen back with an attached sticky note explaining that the one he had gotten was clearly defective. Roque might think so, but Clay insisted that that was not proper procedure when it came to these things. He also forbade Roque from finding alternative solutions — especially of the morbidly creative kind — to curb their temporary techie's enthusiasm. His expertise, however relative it seemed to be at this point, was needed for the mission. And cutting off fingers was highly counterproductive.

Clay pointedly ignored Roque's offer to take Jensen's tongue instead of his fingers.

Pooch seemed to find Jensen amusing the first couple of hours, but the sheer intensity of the over-excited tech guy seemed to grate even on his admittedly resilient nerves after a while.

It _was_ a relief to find that Jensen didn't seem to be a nervous wreck despite the fact that they were being deployed into the deep reaches of the Brazilian jungle, getting ready to wipe out a particularly resilient gang of drug smugglers. But there _had_ to be some kind of limit to the amount of contemporary pop songs Jensen could mangle within the span of a couple of hours. The fact that he was trapped inside a chopper with four heavily armed Special Forces soldiers trained — and by the fourth hour definitely willing — to use him for target practice didn't seem to deter him in the slightest.

Cougar was a patient man. He had learned the importance of resilience and diligence not only during sniper training and his by then fairly extensive military career, but also from growing up with four sisters and a terrifyingly attentive mother. Getting away with _anything_ in the Alvarez household — be it eating the last cookie or sneaking out in the middle of the night — had been an exercise in careful planning, flawless execution, and an ability not to cave under pressure.

It therefore came naturally to him to withstand anything the world attempted to throw at him, but he could admit that Jacob Jensen proved to be an even bigger challenge than Cougar had been prepared for. That said quite a lot about how intolerable Jensen had to be.

He was loud, annoying, and unprofessional. Cougar made no attempt whatsoever to interact with him, and whenever Jensen seemed to look for a new target to pester Cougar made sure to give him a long, firm glare that usually had Jensen scamper off to bother Roque instead. If Jensen's spine seemed to stiffen just a little bit further each time, well, that was his own fault for being so unbelievably unbearable.

To Cougar's dismay he found that he had very little patience for Jensen. It felt like a failure somehow — a gap in his armor — that he wasn't able to ignore Jensen as successfully as he could ignore everything else. And it wasn't for lack of trying. They had only known each other for roughly thirty-four hours and Cougar was seriously considering putting the fear of God into the tech, just to see if that would calm him down. And, if that failed, maybe some threats of good old-fashioned violence might help. Roque's attempts weren't getting through, but he lacked the subtle finesse that Cougar had.

Cougar wasn't usually so inconsiderate. His mother had raised him to be kind and mindful of people in general, because no one was perfect and everyone deserved a chance to prove their worth. But Jensen was just _so difficult_. Cougar's mother would no doubt scold him if she ever found out, but he had a hard time seeing how Jensen could be useful in any capacity. Especially during a sensitive military operation that required a certain amount of delicacy, despite the number of bullets and explosions involved.

That was what worried Cougar the most. In the end it actually wasn't Jensen's notably disastrous personality that put his teeth on edge, because Cougar was a part of a team not exactly known for their tranquil mindset. He could handle character flaws and the occasional clash of opposing wills, but he could not forgive a careless soldier. It put the mission, the team, _and_ civilians at risk. Cougar would personally put a bullet in whatever part of Jensen he could locate first — friendly fire and court martial be damned — if anyone got hurt because Jensen couldn't curb his goddamned urge to talk all the time.

Maybe Cougar was being less patient than usual, and maybe Jensen deserved to at least go through one whole mission before Cougar decided that he was worthless, but this wasn't a playground. The reality of black ops missions was nothing like the macho, gung-ho picture that army recruiters loved to paint. At its core it was ugly, twisted and nightmare-inducing. Cougar knew that he would eventually have to consider either getting out — before he lost the last sliver of his humanity — or just eat his own gun to save himself the agony of living through years of nightmares and PTSD.

It was no place for overgrown children without brain-to-mouth filters, and certainly not something to be taken lightly. Clay had assured them that this wasn't Jensen's first mission, but whether or not Jensen had been in an actual firefight before was a different matter entirely. And the confidential nature of black-ops missions made sure that asking wasn't an option.

Cougar was willing to bet that Jensen hadn't fired a gun outside of training.

It wasn't that Jensen seemed nervous around them, but he was indifferent and almost uninterested. He didn't seem to rely on his gun the same way that every other soldier Cougar had ever known did. Granted that Roque could as easily fall back on his knives as he did his gun, but at least Cougar knew that Roque could handle himself _and_ have Cougar's back when necessary.

There were no such guarantees with Jensen, who seemed more interested in his laptop than the provided arsenal of guns. That alone was close to blasphemy in Cougar's eyes. He knew he was being narrow-minded, but every single new thing he learned about Jensen only strengthened his already poor view of him.

Jensen wasn't fit for this kind of mission. It would be a miracle if they managed to pull through in one piece, and it was only Cougar's upbringing that kept him from wishing that they'd lose Jensen somewhere in the Brazilian jungle. He definitely seemed like the type to get lost just because he wasn't paying attention.

Cougar was certain that bringing Jensen had been a mistake and he knew, by Clay's tightly clenched jaw as they touched ground and got ready to hike to the compound they were going to infiltrate, that he wasn't the only one who had reached that conclusion.

Cougar prayed that they would all survive what came next.

 

* * *

 

Cougar's second impression of Jacob Jensen went against his first; he was man enough to admit that. During every step leading up to the actual mission — preparations on base, shipping out, hiking through the jungle to the compound, and planning the attack — Jensen had done nothing but support that first and highly unflattering view of himself.

He kept talking, joking, and behaved like a college frat boy away on a roadtrip rather than a trained soldier on a sensitive military operation. Cougar was fairly certain that Jensen wasn't intentionally trying to be a pain in the ass, since he seemed genuinely curious about his new teammates and never actually talked about himself or tried to boost his own ego like so many soldiers did. If Cougar took a moment to be more objective he could admit that Jensen's biggest flaw wasn't something sinister or arrogant, but rather an almost childish penchant for overexcitement. It was no less dangerous, make no mistake, because it made Jensen careless and unfocused, but at least he wasn't intentionally trying to get them killed.

That thought was the only thing that kept Cougar from asking Roque to accidentally slip with one of his knives and hopefully put Jensen out of commission, so that he wouldn't fuck up the mission somehow. Not to mention that getting Jensen benched would probably be less harmful to the tech in the long run, bizarrely enough.

Cougar was rarely wrong when it concerned anything relating to his observational skills. He was a very perceptive person and most of the time his assessments — no matter if they involved a dangerous situation, tactical decisions, or a person's behavior — were usually right. Or at least not as mind-blowingly inaccurate as his conclusions concerning one Jacob Jensen were.

It was nothing short of embarrassing.

If there had been a sudden shift it would probably have been easier to spot. If Jensen had somehow just flipped a switch and become an exemplary soldier the moment the bullets started flying, then maybe Cougar would have caught on quicker. But he didn't.

Jensen was obviously sneakier than that.

And Cougar had foolishly — inexcusably — underestimated him. He had been blinded by what he thought was a front put up to hide insecurities when really, that was Jensen. He was that cheerful, excited and eager to please. And unlike the disaster it could have been had it all been an act, Jensen's happiness proved to be the foundation for a confidence and firmness that could easily rival Cougar's. It just came in a different package.

Jensen wasn't a calm, methodical soldier. He wasn't even a bad soldier, trying to pretend to be better than he actually was.

No, Jensen was a _brilliant_ soldier. Intuitive, creative, and shockingly competent.

He still talked a lot, throwing out happy exclamations over the comms while bullets whistled past, offering a running commentary of his impressions and experiences. It was annoying and distracting at first, until Cougar realized that he could pinpoint Jensen's location without even having to rely on his scope. The other three he had to keep an eye on, taking out the threats they couldn't reach, but Jensen he could follow without using his eyes.

Eventually Jensen ended up needing long distance cover, but the difference was that he _asked_ for it.

"Cougar, my man, north building, ten o'clock."

It was startling how easy it was to follow the directions. A slight turn of his rifle, a glimpse in his crosshairs, and a squeeze of the trigger. It didn't take more than a couple of seconds. The drug runner fell to the ground, taken out by one of Cougar's cleanest, smoothest shots of that entire mission.

Heck, maybe even the past year.

"Thank you, Mr. Sniper," Jensen said over the comms, a slight tinge of reverence in his voice. "That was a beautiful shot. This might not be the time to go all groupie on you, but I'm a big fan of your work and wouldn't mind your autograph once this is over."

Cougar wasn't sure whether to point out that it wouldn't have been half as impressive if he hadn't so willingly — blindly almost — trusted Jensen's directions. Cougar himself wasn't even sure why he had. He didn't like Jensen; he had no reason to trust him. But when it came down to it he hadn't hesitated. It had come naturally.

And it wasn't even a one-time thing.

More than once Jensen tossed out a comment — either to Cougar or one of the others on the team — that not only helped, but also diverted several close calls. As limited as Jensen's visuals were on account of him being on the ground he still managed to keep an eye on everyone, supposedly through one of the numerous tiny gadgets he was carrying.

Heat sensor maybe? Or trackers?

Either way, Jensen's continued babble made Cougar's job a lot easier. He hadn't thought it would, but it was as if something clicked into place and Jensen's voice became one of those things that Cougar would tune in to without thinking. There was a strange kind of reassurance in hearing him talk, to the point that Cougar — after having known Jensen less than fifty-two hours — started fearing the moment he wouldn't anymore.

Silence suddenly seemed a lot scarier than it had during any other point in Cougar's life.

And they hadn't even finished their first mission together.

 

* * *

 

Cougar's third impression of Jacob Jensen left him feeling a warm, tight squeeze in his gut that was intense enough to steal his breath away. Adrenaline was still rushing through Cougar's system. If he hadn't been in the middle of the Brazilian jungle, just shy of the compound they had leveled to the ground, surrounded by his teammates and possibly straggling drug smugglers, he would have kissed him. He wasn't sure if he had ever wanted anything as badly as he wanted to grab a hold of Jensen's collar and pull him in for a desperate, bruising kiss.

Jensen's skin was flushed, his hair spiky and ruffled. Those incredibly blue eyes were wide and bright, lighting up as he laughed, his rifle resting almost carelessly in his hands. Cougar had never seen a more beautiful sight. He wanted to lick along Jensen's throat and find out just what that beautiful brilliance tasted like. The pang of lust he felt almost convinced him that it would be a great idea to try it right then and there.

Cougar had never experienced anything like it in his entire life.

He had been in love and in lust numerous times before, but never had he felt like this, as if he might just cave if he didn't get what he wanted. He was a patient man. He loved the delicacy of courting and flirting — to be attentive to his partner's needs and shower them with attention — but this was a burning fire raging through him, undeniable and untamable.

He wasn't sure why. He didn't know Jensen. Just a couple of hours ago he had even been close to hating him.

But then the mission happened and Jensen's steady, unwavering voice had filled up a spot inside Cougar he hadn't even known was empty in the first place. It had felt so right and so easy that it terrified him. Jensen fit. He wasn't an unreliable, overgrown child — he was a capable soldier unlike any other Cougar had ever seen. He was an original, sure, and all the talking outside of missions was still annoying, but he was nothing like Cougar had expected.

He was so much better. He was amazing.

And dangerous.

Cougar was no stranger to being attracted to other men. Despite his Catholic upbringing his mother had assured him that God would never be disappointed in him for loving someone, no matter what gender they happened to be. Still, he knew better than to challenge DADT. He knew better than to believe that Jensen — who talked pretty much nonstop — would be able to keep something like that a secret. Or that he would want it, for that matter.

So when Jensen gave him a delighted smile and took a step towards him — probably to celebrate the success of the mission — Cougar turned away. He wasn't the least bit interested in tempting himself with something he couldn't have.

He missed entirely how that one simple act made Jensen's carefree smile falter and the seemingly limitless happiness get smothered and hastily shoved aside.

"Come on, Losers, we need to head back towards the rendezvous point. Pickup is in twelve hours. We'll make camp for the night in three," Clay ordered. "Move out."

"Sir, yes, sir," they chorused automatically.

Cougar didn't even realize that Jensen's reply sounded about as mechanical as a computer's.

 

* * *

 

Cougar's fourth impression of one Jacob Jensen was that while he was a competent and confident soldier there was still a lot of frailty involved. In a way, that wasn't surprising, since now that he allowed himself to really explore Jensen's personality — and wasn't blinded by his own misconception that Jensen was uninteresting and useless — Cougar remembered that Jensen never talked about himself. Not beyond the silly anecdotes that made him come across as more of an idiot than he had already seemed to be.

Granted that few soldiers were willing to discuss their private lives or pasts. But considering the amount of talking Jensen was capable of it was not only weird that he spoke so little of himself — it was downright _unsettling_.

It showed just how much control Jensen must have, despite coming off as unfocused at first glance.

Jensen was clearly wary, almost defensive, when it came to showing vulnerability, even if he had no trouble coming off as a goof. There was a distinct difference between the two, where one would have people dismiss him as an idiot and the other as someone you could potentially hurt.

Jensen had obviously been hurt before. Cougar wasn't sure by whom.

The more he looked the more he began to realize that having decided what Jensen was like within the first hour of knowing him had been one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made. Cougar could probably know Jensen for a lifetime and never quite get to the bottom of who he was.

This was driven home when he stood guard by their camp that night. He had volunteered for the first watch, if only because he needed some time to think through his sudden and confusing attraction to Jensen.

The rustle in the undergrowth was so unmistakable that Cougar knew that Jensen made it happen intentionally, obviously not wanting to seem like he was sneaking up on him. Cougar appreciated the precaution, since he was known to lash out when he felt threatened.

"Hey." Jensen's voice was softer than Cougar had ever heard it, possibly because the others were sleeping — just like Jensen _should_ be doing. Or maybe because it was an instinct most people succumbed to when they were surrounded by darkness.

Cougar turned his head, just enough to show that he had heard, but unwilling to actually reply. He had attempted to get away from Jensen, not make sure that they were alone with no other witnesses but the local wildlife.

"I know this will sound weird, but I wasn't joking." Jensen stopped well out of Cougar's personal space — something Cougar hadn't expected Jensen to take into consideration.

He looked at Jensen but thanks to the darkness he couldn't see much, except the tight line of Jensen's shoulders and the way he held himself unnaturally still. Jensen had been in motion pretty much nonstop since they had met. Seeing him stand stock-still in the middle of the jungle was eerie enough to send a shiver down Cougar's spine.

"About what?" Cougar was curious, he couldn't deny that.

"That I'm a fan of your work." Jensen might be smiling, judging by his tone, but there was something listless to it as well. "You guys are really badass, and while I know that most people are afraid of you — which I totally understand, by the way — I can tell that you're good at what you do. All of you."

Cougar wasn't sure what to reply, so he remained silent. As did Jensen, to the point where the moment became uncomfortable and Cougar started wondering what had happened. Jensen never stopped talking. This was the closest he had come to complete silence since they got to know each other and it was freaking Cougar out.

"If I had something for you to sign I would totally ask you to. But I don't and it might be too dark anyway." Now Jensen sounded downright miserable and Cougar felt an involuntary clench in his heart.

"Why?"

Cougar was surprised to find that he didn't need to clarify; Jensen understood what the question referred to all on his own.

"As if anyone would believe that I've been on a mission with the Losers if I don't actually show off something with your signature on it?" Jensen's amusement seemed to disappear as quickly as it had come. He shrugged. "And it would be a nice way to remember it by, you know?"

It struck Cougar that Jensen was assuming that this was the only mission he would run with them. Then again, Cougar had been hoping for that exact thing just a couple of hours ago. But now, when he heard the forlorn tinge to Jensen's voice, he wondered why he had ever been so inconsiderate.

"You might get—"

"No," Jensen interrupted, as if he knew what Cougar had been about to say even before he finished the sentence. It turned out that he did. "I won't get to stay. I never do. No one ever wants me to." There was no self-pity, just a resigned kind of acceptance. "But it's been fun, okay? And you did great out there. I totally understand why you're considered one of our top snipers and it was amazing to experience it firsthand."

Cougar wanted to say that he might actually have been better than usual, because of Jensen. Because of his input and directions. Cougar always hit his targets, sure, but never with the speed and accuracy he'd had with Jensen's comforting presence as a grounding point.

"It's been a privilege, Sergeant Alvarez."

Cougar was so dumbfounded — which was no easy feat — that he didn't realize that Jensen had been holding out his hand in an offer to shake it, until Jensen had already snatched it back again. Even in the dark Cougar could see how Jensen seemed to shrink, pulling in on himself, out of Cougar's reach.

"Yeah, okay. Sorry. That was stupid. I'll— I'm sorry. I'll leave you to it."

The sound of Jensen's heartbreaking disappointment was enough to make Cougar open his mouth and attempt to reach out; to physically haul Jensen back and apologize for being so inconsiderate. But Jensen moved too fast. He had turned and was heading back to the others before Cougar could think of what to say, and he couldn't very well shout for Jensen to stop or abandon his post in order to follow him. Even if Cougar's insides were twisting from guilt and a need to set things right, he couldn't risk his teammates safety. Not even for Jensen.

He would just have to fix it in the morning.

 

* * *

 

Cougar's fifth impression of Jacob Jensen was that no one — not even his little sisters or disappointed mother — was quite as adept at making Cougar feel as unbearably guilty as a depressed Jacob Jensen. It was only made worse by the fact that Jensen wasn't even _trying_ to make Cougar feel guilty. He just did anyway, with every faked smile and hollow, forced laugh.

He also studiously avoided looking at any of them — Cougar in particular.

Clay and Roque didn't notice the change. Jensen was still talking and they seemed to have learned how to tune him out by then, but Cougar could see that Pooch wasn't as easily fooled. Not that Pooch said anything about it, because Jensen was just a temporary techie assigned to their unit; it wasn't their problem if he broke down. He would be gone soon.

But by then they knew that Jensen was better at this gig than he had first let on. The others might not have reached the same epiphany Cougar had, but they couldn't deny that Jensen had been an asset and helped out a lot more than any other tech before him. And they didn't seem to be opposed to his presence. Pooch had slapped Jensen on the back and laughed along with several of his jokes when they had set up camp the night before. Roque had even stopped threatening him with disembowelment, while Clay had looked on in amusement.

Jensen wasn't one of them, but he could be. Cougar was sure of it.

Cougar _wanted_ him to be.

But he realized that none of the others would broach the subject — especially not when Jensen was still doing his best Jensen impression and annoying the ever-loving shit out of them.

Cougar tried to talk to Jensen, meaning to ask if he would want to be permanently transferred to their team, but he had clearly underestimated Jensen's ability to avoid things he didn't want to deal with. Cougar was known for being tenacious but he might have met his match in Jensen — or at the very least a worthy opponent.

Cougar was reluctantly impressed, but also increasingly exasperated.

Every time Cougar tried to get a word in Jensen would keep talking as if he hadn't even noticed. When Cougar tried to catch his gaze Jensen blatantly avoided it. And even when Cougar went as far as grabbing Jensen's arm to make him stop and just _listen for a goddamned second_ , Jensen still managed to weasel his way out of it by changing the subject and gesturing wildly enough that Cougar's grip slipped.

Jensen was apparently determined that he didn't want to hear whatever Cougar had to say.

Cougar wasn't surprised to find that Jensen took the seat furthest away from him when they were picked up by the chopper. Or that he immediately dug out an iPod he sure as hell had not been cleared to bring on the mission, to drown out any possible questions. Clay frowned at the iPod — probably trying to figure out how on earth Jensen had managed to smuggle it in with his gear — and finally seemed to take notice of how uncharacteristically evasive their temporary tech was being. Some would probably blame it on post-mission blues, but Cougar knew better.

So he took matters into his own hands as soon as they reached base and he could talk to his teammates without risking Jensen overhearing, earbuds or not.

"We're keeping him."

They didn't even make it to the debrief before Cougar turned to face the rest of the team, forcing them to stop. Cougar could sense Jensen in his periphery and he didn't need to see Jensen's face to know that he assumed the worst when he was the only one not asked to stay behind.

It made Cougar feel guilty, but he was doing it for Jensen's sake.

Clay paused, giving Cougar an undecipherable look. Roque was the one who answered.

"He's not a puppy, Cougar. You can't keep him just because you decided you want to."

"We're keeping him," Cougar repeated, firmer this time, making sure to catch and hold Clay's gaze.

"Why?" At least it wasn't a no. If anything Clay looked intrigued, possibly because Cougar rarely got involved in the decision making. Not like this, and certainly not with this kind of conviction.

"He's good," Cougar replied.

Pooch obviously decided that Cougar needed some backing up in this.

"He really is. Took me by surprise, but he did well." Pooch shrugged.

Cougar appreciated his input.

"He won't shut up," Roque growled, but he sounded annoyed rather than angry. There was a distinct and important difference between the two when it came to Roque. Annoyance was manageable, but as soon as you headed towards anger it was better not to argue.

"Deal with it," Cougar snapped, surprised by his own vehemence. He rarely raised his voice at his teammates. But that was before he had heard just how lost Jensen really was. How he thought that he would never fit in and was fully prepared to get shuffled around from one team to another until they tired of him or he got killed.

Cougar couldn't let that happen.

Clay looked at him, his expression unreadable but not unkind.

"Cougar?" The tone spoke volumes, not quite reprimanding but definitely demanding an explanation.

Cougar took the time to take a slow, deep breath, knowing that he was about to admit to things he usually wouldn't. He didn't like showing that he was vulnerable or might need other people. It made him feel weak.

He and Jensen obviously had that in common.

"He makes _me_ better." Cougar held Clay's gaze, knowing that it would be an even bigger weakness if he didn't. He wasn't about to mention the other bit — the searing, breathtaking attraction — but he knew that Clay would consider letting Jensen stay if it improved their performance.

And if it happened to chase away Jensen's fake smiles then yeah, it was definitely worth a little discomfort on Cougar's end.

A slight smile seemed to be twitching at the corner of Clay's mouth.

"I'll think about it."

If Cougar was reading Clay correctly it might as well have been a yes.

 

* * *

 

Cougar's sixth impression of Jacob Jensen was a combination of all those proceeding it — and all of those that were yet to come. Because Cougar's sixth impression of one Jacob Jensen was that he was undeniably perfect, despite his obvious imperfections.

Cougar stood leaning against the wall opposite Jensen's room on base, arms crossed loosely over his chest and hat tipped low. He knew that Jensen had gotten the news about his permanent transfer late last night. He also knew that Jensen would be going to eat breakfast sometime in the next couple of minutes, hence Cougar's strategic placement practically right outside his door. He might not owe Jensen anything, but he wanted to congratulate him personally and, if possible, soothe away some of the hurt he had unintentionally caused.

The look on Jensen's face when he stepped out from his room and saw who was waiting for him made Cougar's breath catch. Jensen looked so beautiful, eyes bright with joy and a brilliant smile on his lips.

Clay had obviously explained exactly who had convinced him to let Jensen stay.

"Hi," Jensen said, a bit softer than entirely appropriate.

Not that Cougar cared. No one was around and he loved the dazed look on Jensen's face. He couldn't help wondering if it was close to what he looked like directly after sex.

Cougar tipped his hat in response to Jensen's greeting.

Jensen cleared his throat, fiddling with the hem of his shirt and weighting from one foot to the other. He hadn't even closed the door behind him, standing awkwardly in the open doorway. After a somewhat nervous silence Jensen eventually spoke.

"Thank you." He looked up, catching Cougar's gaze. "For what you did."

"You deserve it." Cougar had no intention of taking the credit for something that Jensen had made possible. Clay wouldn't have agreed to it if Jensen wasn't a good soldier who would be an asset to their team. That was all Jensen's doing.

"I... thought you hated me," Jensen mumbled, so low that Cougar almost didn't catch it.

Cougar swallowed down the sting of guilt, moving closer, until he might actually be pushing the limits of what could be considered appropriate.

"Truthfully? I almost did, at first."

Jensen didn't seem to take offence, despite the slight cringe. Something like curiosity was stirring in his eyes.

"What changed?"

Cougar shrugged.

"You did." He smiled, noting with some interest that it made Jensen turn a little pink. "You're a good soldier."

Jensen exhaled, looking as if he might just have been holding his breath, but his smile was bright and happy. Grateful.

"Thanks, man, that means a lot to me." Cougar could see clear as day that it did. Jensen pushed his glasses higher on his nose. "I really can't believe that you'd vouch for me. I'm really, really grateful. You're like, so badass and really cool and a tiny bit scary but also quite nice and I should probably shut up now."

Jensen was grinning though, despite the somewhat embarrassed blush on his cheeks. Cougar couldn't help chuckling, strangely endeared by Jensen's smile.

Heck, Jensen as a whole.

And when he looked up he felt his heart jolt from the responding emotions he saw in Jensen's eyes. It was subtle, he had to give him that, but Cougar was well practiced in recognizing yearning, no matter what Jensen tried to hide it behind.

Had it been there all along?

Cougar paused for a second, thinking back on the looks Jensen had given him and the stiffening of his posture at every one of Cougar's wordless rejections. How Jensen had seemed to follow him around, however discreetly, looking to him for recognition and whatever tiny amount of attention Cougar had been willing to offer.

How Jensen had come to him that night, to show his gratitude after the mission. Not Clay, who lead the team, but _Cougar_.

It _had_ been there all along.

The attraction was mutual.

That didn't change the fact that DADT was still a massive threat hanging above their heads, or that they were teammates who barely knew each other, but the sudden flare of want in Cougar's chest was nigh unstoppable.

Unless Jensen wasn't up for it, of course. Cougar would never demand anything unless Jensen was fully aware of the risks they were taking. It had to be consensual. Cougar wasn't capable of doing it any other way. The guilt — and his mother — would kill him otherwise.

It was definitely worth _asking_ , however.

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath when Cougar placed a light hand against his chest. Cougar could feel the furious thrum of Jensen's heart against his fingers; it was both distracting and thrilling. When their gazes met he could see Jensen's walls crumbling, the carefully maintained shields giving way, showing the pulsing, burning want underneath.

"O-oh."

Jensen losing his eloquence out of growing desire rather than sadness might just be Cougar's new favorite thing. It was right up there with the breathless little gasp Jensen let out when Cougar pushed, gently enough that Jensen could resist if he wanted to.

He didn't, though, obediently stepping back into his room. Cougar followed without removing his hand from Jensen's warm, broad chest.

Jensen looked completely enthralled, pupils blown wide and breaths growing shorter. He licked his lips and Cougar couldn't help that his gaze snapped down to watch. He so wanted to kiss them.

"You sure?" Jensen croaked.

Cougar was grateful for Jensen's need to have it confirmed. It meant that maybe they weren't rushing into this.

Only they totally were.

" _Sí_ ," Cougar breathed, moving closer, well into Jensen's personal space. His hand wandered up along Jensen's chest, his fingertips brushing against Jensen's neck. "Are you?"

"Oh _hell_ yes," Jensen practically moaned, finally reaching out for Cougar in return.

Cougar kicked the door shut behind them before allowing himself to get pulled in, Jensen's hands firm on his hips. The kiss was everything Cougar imagined it would be — fierce, passionate and burning. It left him desperate for more. Cougar had never wanted anything as much in his entire life, and despite how terrifying that was he chose not to question it.

This loud, obnoxious, and unconventional soldier in his arms was no doubt going to be the death of him, but Cougar couldn't care less. The ride would be worth it.

Every second spent basking in Jensen's brilliance would make it worth it.

 _Jensen_ was worth it.

Of this Cougar was sure.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was betaed by [CarpeDentum](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CarpeDentum) and [surgicalstainless](http://archiveofourown.org/users/surgicalstainless) — give them some love — and if you want to find this at my Tumblr the original post is [HERE](http://amethystinawrites.tumblr.com/post/107036888847/impressions)
> 
> Take care, my lovelies!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Impressions, by Amethystina (podfic)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6182362) by [cookiemom6067](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiemom6067/pseuds/cookiemom6067)




End file.
